Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. ~ Steve Jobs ~
It requires constant awareness is to live your own life based on your own thinking. Not that of others. It’s a day-to-day practice. A day-to-day focus. It can be one of life’s biggest hurdles. Without warning, it can become easier to follow other people’s thinking and opinions than it is to just be comfortable being yourself. Following your own heart.
People sometimes find that they are too concerned about what other people think. They end up either over thinking or unable to think deeply enough about what matters most to their own life. You can end up with a life of conformity based on people’s expectations.
It’s always amazed me how someone can easily jump on board with what someone else thinks. It might be that they don’t like someone or no longer want a certain person to be part of things they used to be welcome to. If the reasons are truly serious enough, I can see how others would be influenced to now feel differently about that individual as well. But, when it’s just trivial things, it just makes no sense to me why everyone wouldn’t just make up their own mind about the person and the situation. Often; what happens, is the person with the problem can make everyone else feel as if they’ve betrayed them or something. Everyone should be able to decide on their own, without any negative comments or feedback from the person with the problem against that person.
This is really just one example of how people can find themselves just going along with what other people think. Whatever it is, that’s that person’s opinion. It doesn’t mean it has to be yours. How’d that happen anyway? Can you see how that’s really like being a follower? Are you uncomfortable making up your own mind about something or someone? Are you happy with that way of living? It shouldn’t be that way. Surely, there are times you feel discomfort knowing you’re just going along rather than doing what you really want to do. But it won’t change until you change.
Your life is your own. Follow your own path. Whether you are led by passion, interest, gut feelings or just following your heart; your journey shouldn’t be so easily decided by someone else. That’s giving away far too much of yourself.
If, for example, a person has never been anything other than kind and nice to you, how could you so easily distance your life from theirs? You’ll miss out on so much that you could have been part of during your lifetime. The milestone events in each other’s lives, the small talk, being in each other’s company, excepting invites to each other’s small social events, etc. If that person dies before you do, will you feel any sense of guilt that you didn’t treat them better while they were here? At this present moment, that’s what you have to look forward. You can change the course of that outcome before it’s too late. Why don’t you change that before it’s too late and you don’t have another minute to make some things right?
I know a woman who grew up never knowing two of her aunts. So, that meant not knowing their children, her own first cousins either. She never knew why they were not a part of her life. All she knew was that her mother had no relationship with them. It was never discussed. When she became a young adult, she ventured out on her own to meet them. No regrets! She didn’t ask her mother’s permission. She didn’t feel she needed to. It wasn’t even a thought. There were no questions now. No feelings of obligation or disloyalty to her mother. She didn’t care what the past had been all about. She knew it had nothing to do with her. She hadn’t created the situation. She wanted to meet her aunts and cousins. Whatever it was all about all those years, she didn’t have any interest in siding with it against family she’d never met. Good for her!
I may tell this story again at some point in some other article. Or; at least some reference will be made to it. That may or may not be intentional. I just know that the story disturbs me greatly. It’s a hurtful story. It’s wounding! There should have always been something given to her children that let them know not to feel caught up in that mess. It would have been the right thing to do to tell them, “This is my stuff. Don’t ever feel you have to choose or take sides. If you’d like to meet your aunts and cousins, I’ll make it happen. I don’t have to be there. I don’t have to be part of your relationship with them. Have whatever you are going to have with them and do not feel bad about it”.
I have some of that in my own family. There were children I couldn’t wait for the day they grew up. Meantime; I knew what I had been able to have with them was enough for them to at least always know I’d been nothing less than loving, kind and supportive to them. Silly me! I truly thought I’d have more to look forward to as we all got older. Not even close. I had no idea to what extent their mother would go to see that if she and I don’t get along, have a good, positive relationship, well then; by any means necessary, her children and grandchildren would have nothing to do with me either. See; I know her so beyond well enough. I know, now that they are older, she can’t just get away with the “Cause I said so” if asked anything. So, a person has to be willing to go to great lengths to put on an act, lie on and degrade if need be. The ultimate goal is to control and manipulate any chance they will ever feel comfortable going out of their way to have a relationship with me. How sad! How terribly sad that someone would go to such a fake place with their own children.
Oh the things I could have told them but never did. What will I tell them if given the opportunity? By now; that’s surely become much concern. I haven’t even bothered to try. But, I have always made it very clear. They’re welcome for any reason or no reason. Anything they want to know, I will tell them. I will never lie to them. Answers to anything ever asked will be the truth.
After awhile, you don’t really know how much onus should be left with the mother and how much should now be placed on her children. I do know this much. If it all falls on the mother, then she has done one heck of a job making sure they never feel comfortable not being controlled by whatever she’s told them. To put that kind of control over your own children boarders evil to me. At best; sick! Just plan sick. Resembles sociopath style behavior. Very disturbing!
The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. ~ Coco Chanel
Whatever it is you know in your heart is wrong to keep going the way it’s been, make it right. Do it before it’s too late. If it’s a relationship with someone who you know has never done anything but be nice to you, love you, show you that you matter to them, want you in their life; make it right. You don’t have forever. Sometimes people allow distance between the wrong people. They let the wrong people go.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs
If there’s anything that you would have done differently with your life, even with just a little bit of your time; undo what you have allowed to hold that back. It’s your life we’re talking about. Mine too! You don’t want to live with the regret of having let someone else’s thinking; their opinion, keep you from having relationships with other people just because they have a problem with them. No-one should have that much control over another person’s life.
It’s no different than someone being controlling about where you will attend college, what you’ll study, deciding your career path, the type of work you will do, what shift you will work, who’s worthy of speaking to when you’re at college or work, the amount of money you’d better be sure you make, otherwise; you’re a fool. Sound extreme? So is making you feel you can’t openly and comfortably have relationships with someone just because they don’t have one with that person. Controlling is controlling!
Did it ever darn on you much of what you’ve been told or led to believe may not even be true? Some people will put whatever energy they must into keeping control. Sometimes; if we bother to look a little bit closer, we see things a little bit clearer. Have the courage to follow your own heart, mind and soul.
You’ve got the floor…
Have you had an experience with someone trying to force their thinking on you but you knew it was not right? Please leave a comment to share your thoughts.