You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce. ~ Tony Gaskins ~
If you really want to end an abusive relationship, a relationship that you know you are not treated right in and want to have more peace, then you can. Right now, it’s not about how long your situation has been the way it is. It’s about changing it, from this moment forward. You can change it in your personal and professional life.
Start by honing in on the people in your life, your circle. You decide and choose who fits best. You choose who to surround yourself with. Healthy relationships shouldn’t involve constant suffering. You can begin to rid your life of all forms of abuse; physical, verbal or emotional abuse. You can begin now to no longer fear having the strength to stand up for yourself. Allow yourself to be treated the way you know you deserve to be treated. The strength is inside you whether you’ve ever used it before or not. This very moment is a great time to pull it forward and begin to use it.
It matters how you talk to yourself. Keep it real!
Own the reality that you have a role in how you allow yourself to be treated. Your thoughts don’t need to stress you out. Take the negative and turn it into a positive. This is how the healing will begin and the process of moving forward starts. You do have a say. You hold the cards. You have so much worth. You’re worthy of being treated like you are somebody special because you are somebody special. You’re worthy of respect, kindness and genuine love.
Believe! You are worthy!
If you can start with this then you’ll find it difficult to not stand up for yourself. It starts with your thinking. Believe you are worthy and you will begin to feel it also. Begin to set the tone with how you expect to be treated in all relationships. Allow yourself to feel the newness of feeling worthy of anything you want to be better in your life. This comes from inside you. Your thinking, believing and feeling; of new and different thoughts. Thoughts that you probably haven’t thought about yourself before or at least not for a long while. Everything that you want for you, you are worthy of having.
Treat yourself right.
Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Give yourself praise, not criticism. See yourself in a kind way. Treat yourself with kindness, not harshness. Lift yourself up rather than put yourself down. You’re not insignificant. You matter! So, love and respect yourself. You pave the way in which you expect others to treat you. Be the leader of your life. Treat yourself right.
Reinforce what you will not tolerate. Stop the mistreatment!
Set the tone of what you will tolerate. No matter who the relationship is with, you don’t have to accept being treated any old way by them. You have say in what you will allow and what has to stop. Reinforce it first by how you treat your own self. Remember; you are worthy of being treated right. If it doesn’t feel good or sound good, you don’t have to deal with it. You can say no to having a relationship with anyone who refuses to stop being abusive, in any way shape or form. You don’t have to put up with being disrespected, mistreated and dealing with outright unkindness.
Sometimes, as much as we wish it could work out and we could have a close relationship with a partner, friend or family, it just can’t work out. Don’t justify their actions as cause to keep putting up with whatever makes you feel like you don’t matter. When someone is abusive and show no signs of changing, it’s not likely you can expect anything better in the future. You take a stance and make it clear that you will not tolerate it anymore.
Nothing changes unless you make a decision that it will. Sometimes people dish out what they do because we’re there to keep taking it. They don’t see any need to change. If you try to speak with them about it, they have an answer for everything. The problem is, the answer justifies nothing. They may get defensive, upset and put up a wall until you seem ready to deal with them on their terms again. Nothing ever gets better with such behavior. They are in denial. Sometimes you have to make a hard decision to walk out of other people’s life. For the sake of your own worth. It may be the only way to begin to heal and feel peace while in pursuit of more joy, kindness and respect in your life.
Select like-minded relationships.
Sometimes, in order to make any significant change in our life, we have to let some people go. Not everyone is going to be happy for you as you grow into you. These are the people you may have to leave behind. Or, at least, deal with at arms length. They are incapable of rooting for your success. Those you select will be those who are like-minded. They’re rooting for your success. They want to see you succeed. They are pulling for you in every way and will support you in your journey of loving and respecting yourself as you command the same from everyone else.
These are the individuals who are already where you’re trying to get or are on their own road traveling along side you. Treat them the way you want them to treat you. Kindness and respect never stop mattering. You’ll know soon enough if those you’ve selected are the right choice for the type of relationships you want in your life. If you get some of it wrong along the way, without hesitation, make the necessary changes. Don’t compromise how you want to be treated.
Reflect and be honest about your own behavior.
One of the greatest abilities in moving forward is to be able to reflect back on our own role with whatever was wrong. By doing so, we are mindful that perhaps there are some things about ourselves that would benefit change as well. What role did we have in that relationship that warrants our attention? Can we accept some of the blame? Did we mistreat others? Could we have responded differently in some situations? Could we have done some things better to get our point across? It can be humbling to own up to our imperfections. It can also help us become a better person and have healthier relationships.
Change is not always easy. It takes the bigger part of ourselves to not deny that change is necessary. In order for us to be what we wish others to be, we have to be willing to do the same work that we want others to do. To have better and healthier in our life involves better and healthier relationships. To take a step back and reflect on how things could have been better just holds ourselves accountable going forward. Sometimes we have to face the hard truth that we had a hand in the mistreatment category also.
We should all strive to be the change we wish to see in others. This is how the world becomes a better place. Teach, through your own actions and behaviors.
You’ve got the floor…
Are these some of the principles you already follow to be treated right in relationships? Please leave a comment to share your thoughts.