Believe People the First Time

When people show you who they are believe them; the first time.
~ Maya Angelou  ~

It never ceases to amaze, no more truthfully; hurt, to see how easily someone can turn on you.  You could have been there for them fifty times over the years.  You may have been there even when it seemed no-one else was.  You’ve maybe had their back their entire life.  Yet; in the blink of an eye, over one incident, they will turn on you.  You would never have gone that far.  But now you know.  They will.

You might’ve thought everything was over with.  Yes; upsetting!  No; not that big of a deal for someone to literally turn on you.  But, next thing you know, they have indeed turned on you.  They want nothing else to do with you.  They’ve literally turned on you.  You no longer matter.  It makes you wonder how much could you have possibly mattered to begin with.  I mean; to just cut you off like that.  No conversation.

If someone can turn their back on you that easily, you don’t want to forget it.  Even if, at some point, things appear to be better.  Don’t forget.  Forgiving and forgetting are two entirely different things.  The sooner you forget, it may be the sooner you set yourself up for repeat situations.

I personally have been just awful in the past with letting things go until the next time and the next time and the next time.  I’ve too easily not only forgiven but also forgotten. I’ve, in the past, been one to not see clearly what exactly I was dealing with. I, like many, have justified the relationship because of years known or biological ties.  I have truly had to learn the hard way that when people show you who they are; believe them the first time.

One of my greatest problems has been to get stuck on how I would never do them the way they did me.  I’ve gotten stuck on the how could they be so comfortable treating anyone that way.  But, it’s not for me to understand.  There is no understanding to see people treat you in a way you could never even imagine treating them.  All of us are just not toting the same level of morals.  Everyone doesn’t stand behind the belief that character matters.  Not everyone seems to even get it that your character speaks mounds about who you genuinely are.

Some people can become so focused on themselves that they don’t even care about anyone but themselves.  Hurting someone else comes easy because it’s not really something they feel.  They’re not as impacted by it as you are.  They don’t feel the same as you do.  They will never feel what you feel when it comes to hurt.  Therefore; to hurt someone, isn’t exactly something they give much thought to.  To turn on someone just because something wasn’t said the way they thought it should have been said or just because it was said at all, can be grounds for some people to have nothing more to do with you.  At least not until they decide they will again.  It’s their terms; not yours.

When you notice how easy it is for someone to walk away from you without even an explanation or discussion, you should realize they’re pretty much comfortable doing so.   You should also realize they’re pretty comfortable hurting you.  Whatever their problem is with you is all that matters.  There is no explanation or discussion wanted from you. Even if you try to fix the situation, you might notice them retreat further from you.  It shows in how they speak to you.  The tone.  That is; if they speak to you at all.

The sooner you realize you don’t have to deal with anyone on those terms, the sooner you will take the control.  At some point, it is just time to cut ties.  There is nothing healthy about that relationship.  They do nothing to meet you half way to make things better.  The longer you deal with them on those terms, the longer you will see they have no interest in changing.  To them, it’s not them.  It’s you!  It’s always going to be you.

It’s honestly the best feeling ever, once you realize you’ve left such people in the past. You don’t get there without much pain and hurt.  But, you can eventually get there.  It’s taken me so long to realize we don’t need to feel guilty about removing someone from our life. It doesn’t matter if they’re a friend you’ve known for years, family, a partner, or a new acquaintance.  No one should keep room in their life for anyone who causes pain or intentionally makes them feel small.

It’s one thing if someone owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change.  But it’s another if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way. You’re only going to be as good enough as the people you surround yourself with.  So, be brave enough to let go.  Let go of those who keep weighing you down.  Let go of those who exhaust you from endless drama.  Let go of those who comfortably mistreat you whenever they get good and ready to.  Yet; they honestly seem to think you’ll just be there, until the next time, the next time after that and so on. 

You’ll find great friends if that’s what you want.  You’ll find others who care about you.  There will be others who actually do care about what you want to accomplish, who you’re trying to be and what you want your life to be like.  They’ll be the ones who want the same or similar things in life.  They’ll also be the ones who stand up for you when you’re not around.  If people in your life don’t want to treat you like you’re somebody, it’s time for them to leave your life.  These aren’t the individuals you want surrounding your space in life.  What you continue to deal with is what you have to look forward to.  

While you’re living life like it matters, you want people in your life who believe your life matters.  People who treat you like you matter.  Not everything is about them.  They can’t keep showing up thinking they can treat you any old kind of way and you’ll just keep returning for more.  You show people how to treat you by what you allow from them.


You’ve got the floor…  

Do you find it difficult to let the right people go?  Please leave a comment to share your thoughts.

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